Day 13 - A Meaningless World Engenders Fear

Ok - so we're on Day 13 of the workbook of A Course In Miracles - I'm not sure how well it's working but I am applying the Lessons as instructed and the commentaries from Ken Wapnick, Greg Mackie and Lisa Natoli seem to be helping me go deeper into the lesson and it seems to be easier to apply this time around, even though I feel a lot of conflict in my mind and it feels like it's really deep rooted and won't be released. I feel like I'm really up against the fear of God and letting the world be completely meaningless - I feel like I'm betraying something if I do and I guess I am - I'm betraying the ego - that is: I'm betraying the belief in separation in my mind if I really let go the fear and let the world I perceive be devoid of the meaning I've given it. I feel like a few of the things I've been using to distract myself have begun to fall away in the last couple of days and in the past I have been worried about and focussed on those external activites and on my behaviour and I don't seem so concerned about that - I feel more trusting in the fact that as I work the lessons and the light works in me those distractions will naturally drop away and I'll stop attempting to derive meaning from them. I notice a I still feel quite guilty when I read something that says, "Your happiness is your decision, you choose it, there's nothing keeping you here." and I read, "I'm attacking God because I feel anything but total joy."

I needed the gentle voice to remind me that it's ok. I'm ok and nothing can destroy the Peace of God. I needed to hear the gentle voice remind me I couldn't change myself even if I have blocked that from my awareness for a moment. I needed to hear the Truth doesn't need anything from me and need me to be any particular way - even though I am blocking my awareness of the Truth, it remains the same so I have nothing to feel guilty about. I needed to hear my Friend say "Don't worry about it - just do the lessons - everything's fine and working perfectly. "I needed to hear the voice of certainty that trusts all is well - the uncompromising coach who leads me with thoughts of peace and gentle encouragement rather than confrontation and "kick ass." I need to hear the voice within that knows the Truth about me and sees only that and will guide me Home through peace and gentleness and the certainty that the reversal in me will and is happening in me. I need to hear the quiet voice that stands still with me in my moments of fear and terror and reminds me I'm ok and this too will pass - just stay with Him and follow His voice as He is with me and will lead me through the valley of darkness and I will come out the other side and attempting to force myself and make something happen is not His will and is counter productive to our goal which is Peace. Let go of comparison and let things unfold and be as they are and the undoing will go a lot smoother for me. Healing is certain and He is not concerned how long it appears to take for me to accept the message and let go of all resistance to the Healing of my Mind and the rememberance of the Truth of Who I Am.

Thankyou Father and thankyou for my brothers who are one with me and for everything I read that helps me expose thoughts of fear and help me turn to the One with in so I can become accustomed to His Voice in answer to the one I made.

Thankyou once again. This little piggy will go wee wee wee all the way Home.